When I go off my meds, I start feeling like I'm coming down with the flu. I get light-headed, muscles get tight and hurt, I cannot focus, everything bothers me. I only go off of my meds when my doctor won't give me a refill, or I cannot afford to pay for them. The lack of money happens far too often because the only job I could find is $10 per hour 20 hours a week, and my husband is working through a temp agency. He has a lead on a much better job, hopefully it will pan out because something needs to happen.
No one wants me to feel like this, and no one wants to deal with me when I am not medicated.
We have worked harder than a lot of people I know who have so much more than we do. And they don't see why there's a problem...
15 December 2011
09 December 2011
my ideal job
I think the perfect job for me would be research. Where people, or even one awesome friend of a boss, asks me to find information and I find the info and create a report on it. I like learning new things. I like looking for information. I like turning that information into reports that others can easily read and use for whatever purpose.
Is this a job somewhere? If so, how can I get into this work?
Is this a job somewhere? If so, how can I get into this work?
12 October 2011
Doing a job
Why don't our public servants do their jobs? They are supposed to represent the people and do what is best for the most people. But the government has become the puppet of the rich and corporations. Those with money are able to tell the lawmakers what to do so they will prosper more and they don't care about anyone else.
If it weren't for government support I would have lost my home and children. But I received money to go to college, food for my daughters, and medical care so we were able to survive. Without it I don't know what we would have done.
It seems that those in charge would rather make more millions for themselves and have so much that they will never be able to spend it all than to let everyone take care of themselves.
The US was the greatest country in the world for a time, but that was decades ago. At school I was always told that the US is the best place to be, but we don't take care of our people. We don't encourage education or family. We are told to idolize stupidity. Our politicians encourage religion and make it out to be so important and that anyone who disagrees with them are horrible. This country wasn't founded on religion, but it seems that the ideals we were founded on have been lost.
Things have gone very wrong in this country and need to change.
If it weren't for government support I would have lost my home and children. But I received money to go to college, food for my daughters, and medical care so we were able to survive. Without it I don't know what we would have done.
It seems that those in charge would rather make more millions for themselves and have so much that they will never be able to spend it all than to let everyone take care of themselves.
The US was the greatest country in the world for a time, but that was decades ago. At school I was always told that the US is the best place to be, but we don't take care of our people. We don't encourage education or family. We are told to idolize stupidity. Our politicians encourage religion and make it out to be so important and that anyone who disagrees with them are horrible. This country wasn't founded on religion, but it seems that the ideals we were founded on have been lost.
Things have gone very wrong in this country and need to change.
03 October 2011
I was watching Game of Thrones this last week and I started wondering, for the umpteenth time, why technology in fantasy settings can get to a medieval level and stay there for thousands of years.
In the real world we advanced. Even with the dark ages of christianity repressing everything we kept creating and inventing. But in fantasy worlds they stay at that level and nothing changes for millennia .
Some make sense because they have such a high amount of magic that they don't have a need for science and technology because magic can do it all. But some of these fantasy worlds don't have magic but don't advance in technology. Are these invented people really satisfied with what they have and don't have the initiative to change? Do they not have new ideas and inspiration to create something new, easier, and maybe better for the future?
I try every day to do something to make life easier for my family and those I care about. Most days it only comes to doing chores around the house, but occasionally I come up with something that makes life easier in the long run. Such as a rack to hold the kids' shoes so we can find they every day, I didn't invent it, but I am utilizing someone else's invention. If I had the mindset that some books seem to have I wouldn't bother, I would just keep going with what we already have and not even try anything new.
In the real world we advanced. Even with the dark ages of christianity repressing everything we kept creating and inventing. But in fantasy worlds they stay at that level and nothing changes for millennia .
Some make sense because they have such a high amount of magic that they don't have a need for science and technology because magic can do it all. But some of these fantasy worlds don't have magic but don't advance in technology. Are these invented people really satisfied with what they have and don't have the initiative to change? Do they not have new ideas and inspiration to create something new, easier, and maybe better for the future?
I try every day to do something to make life easier for my family and those I care about. Most days it only comes to doing chores around the house, but occasionally I come up with something that makes life easier in the long run. Such as a rack to hold the kids' shoes so we can find they every day, I didn't invent it, but I am utilizing someone else's invention. If I had the mindset that some books seem to have I wouldn't bother, I would just keep going with what we already have and not even try anything new.
29 September 2011
I want to think
Wanted: A job where I have to think. Where others look to me for what needs to be done because I can do it. I want to have people believe in me and trust me to do a good job. I want to be a secretary or personal assistant. I would love to research and take notes. I want to plan things out and keep track of schedules. I would prefer to be in a more casual setting, but wearing a suit would be nice too.
I am currently working in the mail room of an insurance company at the moment but I am looking for a different job. I never actually stopped looking when I was hired. I work 20 hours a week, at a location that is a 45 minute drive from home. Monday, Thursday, Friday are 8-noon and I have to have childcare for those days. Saturday is an 8 hour day, but thankfully, my husband is home to watch the kids. I don't have to think to do this job. All I do is open envelopes, sort the contents as to if something is marked or not and count them into stacks of 50. They are scanned by someone else (usually, they did just train me on using the scanner) and I check the images on the computer to make sure that they are in the right groupings and can be read clearly. That's 90% of my job. I feel it is a waste of my talent to do it.
I am intelligent and very creative. I am a fast learner and can figure out most tasks on my own. I have been praised at how quickly I pick up new things and the quality of my work.
Right now the biggest thing holding me back from a better job is experience. There are approximately 100 people in this town of 8000 applying for the same positions when one comes along every couple months. I think that if someone were to hire me they would be impressed with my skills and feel I was the best choice, however, no one will hire me when there are so many potentials out there with years of experience. I can't get the experience without a job, but i can't get a job without the experience. Yes, I do have a job, but sorting papers won't give the kind of experience I need to become a secretary or personal assistant.
I am currently working in the mail room of an insurance company at the moment but I am looking for a different job. I never actually stopped looking when I was hired. I work 20 hours a week, at a location that is a 45 minute drive from home. Monday, Thursday, Friday are 8-noon and I have to have childcare for those days. Saturday is an 8 hour day, but thankfully, my husband is home to watch the kids. I don't have to think to do this job. All I do is open envelopes, sort the contents as to if something is marked or not and count them into stacks of 50. They are scanned by someone else (usually, they did just train me on using the scanner) and I check the images on the computer to make sure that they are in the right groupings and can be read clearly. That's 90% of my job. I feel it is a waste of my talent to do it.
I am intelligent and very creative. I am a fast learner and can figure out most tasks on my own. I have been praised at how quickly I pick up new things and the quality of my work.
Right now the biggest thing holding me back from a better job is experience. There are approximately 100 people in this town of 8000 applying for the same positions when one comes along every couple months. I think that if someone were to hire me they would be impressed with my skills and feel I was the best choice, however, no one will hire me when there are so many potentials out there with years of experience. I can't get the experience without a job, but i can't get a job without the experience. Yes, I do have a job, but sorting papers won't give the kind of experience I need to become a secretary or personal assistant.
08 February 2011
Blargh
I have been to several interviews, though haven't heard anything good back yet. I am applying to every job I find that I think I can do, and staying positive that something will turn up. I really hope that I get a job soon, so we can pay bills, maybe even have some left over to have fun with.
We will need a second vehicle, and childcare, and I'll have to update my wardrobe so I can dress business casual, as that is the popular appearance at the jobs I am interviewing for.
Until then I spend my time taking care of the kids, knitting, searching the internet, looking for jobs, and improving myself through skills, and physically.
I have been dieting for over a month now and trying to get in what exercise I can with my disabilities, exhaustion, and pain.
We will need a second vehicle, and childcare, and I'll have to update my wardrobe so I can dress business casual, as that is the popular appearance at the jobs I am interviewing for.
Until then I spend my time taking care of the kids, knitting, searching the internet, looking for jobs, and improving myself through skills, and physically.
I have been dieting for over a month now and trying to get in what exercise I can with my disabilities, exhaustion, and pain.
22 December 2010
Beginnings
At least I hope. I have a job interview lined up and have applied to several others. One is a referral from someone who works at an advertising agency. I hope that one of them will see me as a good candidate.
What I need is to take any job offered to me right now. It will bring in a little income and add experience in the field to my resume.
I need to remember to be confident during my interviews. I can do the job and pretty well at that. I need to remember that I need a job to take care of my family. I have spent time as a wife and mom and now need to do more on the financial end.
I need to find ways to encourage my husband to do the same. He's been out of work for years with back pain and depression. He needs to rebuild the confidence to work and get things done. I need him to do a fair share. The last few months he hasn't done much, but the last couple of weeks he has been doing better. He cleaned the living room and did the laundry. After much prompting he also has washed the dishes a couple of times. I do the pots and pans in the sink and he loads plates, bowls, glasses, and flatware into the dishwasher. I feel like he spends more time sitting around playing on the internet than doing anything else. I got homework done ahead of due dates and am always getting up to do things for the kids. I need him to do the same. He complains that he is tired and doesn't know why, but he won't get up and start moving for the day, so he never wakes up in the first place.
What I need is to take any job offered to me right now. It will bring in a little income and add experience in the field to my resume.
I need to remember to be confident during my interviews. I can do the job and pretty well at that. I need to remember that I need a job to take care of my family. I have spent time as a wife and mom and now need to do more on the financial end.
I need to find ways to encourage my husband to do the same. He's been out of work for years with back pain and depression. He needs to rebuild the confidence to work and get things done. I need him to do a fair share. The last few months he hasn't done much, but the last couple of weeks he has been doing better. He cleaned the living room and did the laundry. After much prompting he also has washed the dishes a couple of times. I do the pots and pans in the sink and he loads plates, bowls, glasses, and flatware into the dishwasher. I feel like he spends more time sitting around playing on the internet than doing anything else. I got homework done ahead of due dates and am always getting up to do things for the kids. I need him to do the same. He complains that he is tired and doesn't know why, but he won't get up and start moving for the day, so he never wakes up in the first place.
15 December 2010
College take 2
I finished college this time around. I did a 2 year degree in 3 semesters and have gotten mostly A's. Now I have to look for a job. I feel I will be a good candidate to work in any office because of my up-to-date skills and my desire to learn to do the best I can. I am always interested in learning something new and refining my skills to become better. I like to say I am awesome, and wish to truly become awesome. As long as I am taking my meds and stay in contact with my doctors and pay attention to my reactions, I can be a delightful person to be around.
I need someone to give me a chance and hire me despite my lack of experience. It could be a good thing. I am open to learning how that office wants things done instead of being set into a way of doing things already.
I need a creative and fun environment to be in. Someplace that humor and friendship are encouraged. I need some place that can see that I have a value and will use me in anyway I can help.
I am amazing. Give me a chance to learn and become what is needed.
Give me the power to take care of my family and stay sane at the same time.
I need someone to give me a chance and hire me despite my lack of experience. It could be a good thing. I am open to learning how that office wants things done instead of being set into a way of doing things already.
I need a creative and fun environment to be in. Someplace that humor and friendship are encouraged. I need some place that can see that I have a value and will use me in anyway I can help.
I am amazing. Give me a chance to learn and become what is needed.
Give me the power to take care of my family and stay sane at the same time.
24 November 2010
family time
We went to my parent's house for Turkey day and our oldest daughter's birthday. I never seem to remember how much I'd like to drink when around my family.
My mother and sister have health problems that cause pain as do I. We all end up in foul moods and gripe at each other. When it's just me and mom we can joke and understand each other, however my sister just gets meaner. She complains about everything and hates everything that happens. She can't stand background noise that doesn't come through clearly and hates when people talk to each other and she cannot understand the words. She bitches about whatever I do, even when trying to help her. She criticizes my parenting skills, even though she has no children of her own.
No matter what I do I feel that I cannot be good enough for them. I feel I failed miserably at life. I always leave them feeling that no matter how hard I try I can never be as good as they expect me to be. The grades and comments I get from teachers don't matter. The love my husband and daughters show me doesn't mean I'm a good wife and mother.
I want to be able to visit my parents without feeling stresses and worthless. I want to not have to be compared to an ideal that no one else reaches either. I want to be able to take it easy and not have to serve others when I'm in this much pain. I hurt a lot, but my pain doesn't matter when I'm around them.
My mother and sister have health problems that cause pain as do I. We all end up in foul moods and gripe at each other. When it's just me and mom we can joke and understand each other, however my sister just gets meaner. She complains about everything and hates everything that happens. She can't stand background noise that doesn't come through clearly and hates when people talk to each other and she cannot understand the words. She bitches about whatever I do, even when trying to help her. She criticizes my parenting skills, even though she has no children of her own.
No matter what I do I feel that I cannot be good enough for them. I feel I failed miserably at life. I always leave them feeling that no matter how hard I try I can never be as good as they expect me to be. The grades and comments I get from teachers don't matter. The love my husband and daughters show me doesn't mean I'm a good wife and mother.
I want to be able to visit my parents without feeling stresses and worthless. I want to not have to be compared to an ideal that no one else reaches either. I want to be able to take it easy and not have to serve others when I'm in this much pain. I hurt a lot, but my pain doesn't matter when I'm around them.
21 November 2010
Homework
I realized that today is Sunday, tomorrow assignments are due and new ones will be given. I thought about it an realized I hadn't done any homework since Thursday. Then I checked and it was all done already. I wonder how some people have difficulty getting their work done on time when I have so much free time. Am I just better at time management, or am I smarter to the extent that it just comes easier to me to get it done.
Maybe IQ tests need to be rethought. Maybe they need to include multiple intelligences more.
Saturday evening was our group's Thanksgiving. For the last 7 years we have gotten together to do a dinner together. Our gatherings have reduced to the point where it's the only time we can actually get together. We have separated over the years due to school, jobs, moving, marriages, children. We have taken different paths in our lives, but we still immensely enjoy each other's company. We are trying to find excuses to get together more often. My husband is working on D&D scenarios so we can have a weekly game. We need something to keep us together. I suck at meeting new people and finding ways to socialize. Maybe my husband and I should get a weekly baby-sitter and go to the gaming shop's weekly D&D night instead of creating our own.
Maybe IQ tests need to be rethought. Maybe they need to include multiple intelligences more.
Saturday evening was our group's Thanksgiving. For the last 7 years we have gotten together to do a dinner together. Our gatherings have reduced to the point where it's the only time we can actually get together. We have separated over the years due to school, jobs, moving, marriages, children. We have taken different paths in our lives, but we still immensely enjoy each other's company. We are trying to find excuses to get together more often. My husband is working on D&D scenarios so we can have a weekly game. We need something to keep us together. I suck at meeting new people and finding ways to socialize. Maybe my husband and I should get a weekly baby-sitter and go to the gaming shop's weekly D&D night instead of creating our own.
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