We went to my parent's house for Turkey day and our oldest daughter's birthday. I never seem to remember how much I'd like to drink when around my family.
My mother and sister have health problems that cause pain as do I. We all end up in foul moods and gripe at each other. When it's just me and mom we can joke and understand each other, however my sister just gets meaner. She complains about everything and hates everything that happens. She can't stand background noise that doesn't come through clearly and hates when people talk to each other and she cannot understand the words. She bitches about whatever I do, even when trying to help her. She criticizes my parenting skills, even though she has no children of her own.
No matter what I do I feel that I cannot be good enough for them. I feel I failed miserably at life. I always leave them feeling that no matter how hard I try I can never be as good as they expect me to be. The grades and comments I get from teachers don't matter. The love my husband and daughters show me doesn't mean I'm a good wife and mother.
I want to be able to visit my parents without feeling stresses and worthless. I want to not have to be compared to an ideal that no one else reaches either. I want to be able to take it easy and not have to serve others when I'm in this much pain. I hurt a lot, but my pain doesn't matter when I'm around them.
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